Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
