Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
