Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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