Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
