I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
