he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
