After last night, I could never be a politician.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize