i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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