i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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