dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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