You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
