All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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