ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
