your thong is hanging out like whoa
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
