man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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