Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize