South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
