I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
