we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
