the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
