I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
40s are totally the cure
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
