There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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