Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
