forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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