explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
