Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
