I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
This baby is an asshole
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
