i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
