my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I lost the right to judge tonight
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
