just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
