I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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