Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
