I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
