i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
