nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I could fuck to npr.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
