My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
