it was like his penis was on wheels.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
