I feel like abortions should bother me more
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
