That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
