He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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