when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
