He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
