last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just high enough for therapy.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
