I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
