Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Randomize