: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
