Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
