why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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