Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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