She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
