im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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