I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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