Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
