i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
