Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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