he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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