We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
