Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
