Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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