just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
