It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize