I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
