When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
